Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
