Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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