TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
