Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A+ Viking dick
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