sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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