3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
