Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
