quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
