Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
