afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
