SEEEEXXX PLEASE
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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