i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
