He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
