I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need water and some morals
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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