You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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