I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
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They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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