you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
