the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize