at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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