Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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