she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
