kristin has been a bad kristin
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
