dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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