Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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