It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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