This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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