if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
