Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
...so i touched it.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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