The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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