yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
