His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
