His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Me too!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
