um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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