I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
