this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
God, I missed his penis.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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