you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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