Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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