is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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