Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
