she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
