It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
