Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
