if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
