there was a trapeze. enough said
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
