shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
