She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And then my night got REAL pukey
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
