Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
