so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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