ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
