She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he laminated a picture of his dick.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
