i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
