That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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