i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
