I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
