i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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