When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
