Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
