i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
