mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
