Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
