Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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