Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
