When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
