You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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