i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
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I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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