after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
